


as soft as the massacre of a thousand suns

by LearaBribage



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Character Death, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Force-Sensitive Finn, Post-TLJ, Rey Needs A Hug, The Author Regrets Everything, blast from the angst, extremist!connix, extremist!poe, inspired by jwt/skysilencer's pieta!Reylo, rose tico is not afraid of anyone, the Force kriffing sucks man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 17:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13300161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LearaBribage/pseuds/LearaBribage
Summary: ‘Ben Solo is our last hope, Finn,’ she said, eyeing him fiercely. ‘I need you to understand that—,‘she paused, giving a sidelong glance towards the pilot and junior controller ‘—them to understand that.’Nodding, Finn put his hands on his waist. ‘I don’t think I do yet, but I can trust what you’re trying to do.’ Then he looked at her directly, lips thinning, before inquiring in a whisper, ‘Now, tell me, do you love him?’





	as soft as the massacre of a thousand suns

**Author's Note:**

  * For [skysilencer](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=skysilencer).



 ‘ _STOP!’_

A deadly silence passed across the hazy verdant fields in the Chandrila system as Rey held out her hand fiercely and used the Force to suspend the rush of heat coming from the blaster held by Dameron. Slowly and erratically, everyone turned their eyes upon her. BB-8 gently trudged towards him, beeping, _What’s wrong with her?_

Poe shrugged as he lowered his gun, and gazed around the area until he found Rose beside Finn, whose lips were set in a thin line as they all watched their friend release the laser blast far away from the _Millennium Falcon_ and into the air above them.

 _What the_ kriff _is happening here?_ he pondered grimly, his hands balling into fists. Sensing his stare, the former Stormtrooper returned his gaze, and raised a hand in a silent plea to let Rey continue her stride towards the crumpled form of the First Order’s Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.

The dark-haired leader was wheezing, clutching at his side as he struggled in vain to hide his tormented countenance. His TIE-fighter had been sufficiently wrecked – from whom, no one can ascertain yet – when he was discovered by roaming Resistance members in search of Chandrilan refugees after the battle – which they won – had finally settled into an uneasy stillness. 

‘ _No one_ will harm him, please,’ she said, the veneer of her visage in an eerie calm as she went down and carefully maneuvered Kylo Ren’s upper body upon her lap. His brows contorted in pain as she lifted him, but he uttered nothing as his lashes fluttered uneasily upon his cheeks in his feeble state. Rey closed her eyes in meditation before hovering her hand above his wound, not minding the blood pooling from it. 

‘What are you _doing_ , Rey?’ Kaydel Ko Connix shouted in aghast as she raised her blaster, her eyes narrowing in suspicion at the scene. ‘He’s _Kylo Ren_!’

‘She’s right!’ Poe exclaimed, ignoring Finn’s silent protests, and was about to saunter towards them when Chewbacca roared before grabbing him and keeping him locked between his arms. BB-8 rolled in agitation and launched itself against the Wookie’s legs to no avail until it got scared into stopping by a fierce glare. ‘What the—? Chewie! Let me go! He should be arrested!’

‘And executed for his crimes!’ Connix assented, her gun poised and ready to shoot.

‘That’s a little extreme, officer!’ someone from the mechanical team yelled at the back, but was hushed by the rest of the Resistance. Connix glared at the unwelcome comment before re-assuming her stance.

Beside Finn, Rose whispered anxiously, ‘I have a _bad_ feeling about this.’

He agreed, noticing the confused and fearful stances the other members were exhibiting at the open antagonism occurring in front of them. Lacing his fingers with hers, he replied in a low tone, ‘You’ve still got those magnets, right?’

Catching his drift, Rose nodded quickly and patted the right leg pocket of her well-worn Resistance uniform before retrieving it and handing one to him discreetly.

‘I _love_ magnets,’ she muttered softly, lips curling as she they eyed each other conspiratorially. Finn felt a tug pulling at his lips and could not help the rush of affection for her that came over him before they resumed the veneer of composure on their faces as they concentrated on the tense atmosphere around them once again.

‘ _Chewie_ , you have to let go of me,’ Poe repeated, gritting his teeth and struggling to escape from the fierce hold the Wookie had on him. ‘In case you remember, that’s _Kylo Ren_ , and he _killed_ Han.’

 _I know_ , Chewbacca growled in Shyriiwook a little impatiently, _but that’s not important right now_.

Dameron scoffed, his normally unruffled features becoming replaced with discomfiture. ‘What do you even mean by that?’ he said, his voice rising as he struggled. ‘ _KYLO REN_ killed his fa—!’

He found himself suddenly muted, as Connix’s blaster soared away from her stern grip into the waiting hands of Rose. Kaydel Ko drew a sharp breath in astonishment at losing her gun and crossed her arms when she realised who took it from her. Meanwhile, Poe put a hand to his throat as he looked at Rey bewilderingly. The former scavenger of Jakku gazed at him angrily in silence before releasing her hold on his voice once she saw him nod in reticence. Dameron weaved a sigh of relief.

‘What the kriff? Are you guys out of your mind?’ Connix burst tersely, her moseying towards the two done with rapid and heavy stomping. ‘We may have won _against_ the First Order this day, and we have yet to put a stop to this war, but we can keep winning against them _now_ that we have leverage!’

Hardening his jaw, Finn eyed her with a level stare before replying, ‘You may be right, but Rey and Chewbacca probably have something to explain first.’

‘There is _nothing_ that needs to be discussed here, Finn! For all we know, she is probably the reason why the First Order has been able to track us when we were doing the jumps!’

‘ _No_ , that’s not it! How could you even think of that?’ Rose retorted, her nails biting into Finn’s palm as she tried to explain quickly. ‘The First Order has a device in their main ship, and that’s what they’ve been using to tether to our shuttles – _that’s why_ they were able to get to us again and again!’

‘Then why is she ‘nursing’ Kylo Ren on her lap, huh?’ Poe blurted, his arms crossed after Chewbacca finally set him down. ‘That’s not… _normal_. Last I _heard_ , they were fighting each other in Starkiller base.’

 _C-3PO would say it’s not following protocol to attack someone who is wounded and in a non-hostile position_ , BB-8 prattled to him in binary at his feet. Poe furrowed his brows. ‘ _Protocol?_ This is a war!’

‘I said _no one_ will harm him,’ Rey finally spoke, eyes opening in a flash as she gritted her teeth. ‘Ben’s hurt enough as it is.’ At her voice, his lashes fluttered about again. She placed a hand below his chest. Breathing, _still_ breathing, but barely.

‘You’re calling him ‘Ben’ now?’ Finn wondered aloud, his bewilderment seemingly shared by all present at the foot of the _Millennium Falcon_.

‘You _need_ to explain, Rey,’ Dameron insisted, his jaw tensing. ‘Not just to me, but the whole Council.’

She nodded, her attention still focused on Ben as she threaded her fingers through his crimson-marred curls carefully. He has not stirred into full consciousness yet, and that made her bite her lip. ‘We’ll need to heal him first. We might risk losing him.’

 

* * *

 

‘We _cannot_ treat him here,’ the resident Resistance medic uttered, his words crisp and biting. ‘Our resources are nearly diminished, and thus, do not grant us the liberty to afford it.’

Gritting her teeth, she marched to the man and balled her fists before calmly saying, ‘We’ve got to try, please. We need to help him in order for us all to survive.’

The medic looked at her dubiously before he glanced at the dark-clad figure resting upon a bunk inside the _Falcon_ while the rest of the Resistance stared at them. His features contorted in weariness for a second before he schooled it into a veneer of a wizened tranquility, making the wrinkles on his face more apparent.

Fixing his stare upon Rey once more, he replied, ‘I used to treat him when he was a boy. Now that Leia’s gone because of _that_ Armitage Hux, it will be impossible to help him. Anything I have inventoried of his parents were gone the moment our main vessels were eradicated as we were en route the various systems.’

Chewbacca howled deeply beside the bunk, pounding his fists on the table. Rose embraced the Wookie on the side, and he welcomed her in his arms as he hang his head in defeat. Meanwhile, Poe, frowning at the medic’s admission, drummed his fingers as he fixed his eyes on the holographic replay of the match Connix won against him twice in _dejarik_.

Finn walked up to Rey, who stood there motionless as the medic bowed before leaving them all to attend to his other duties. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, easing her into a hug, but she refused, patting his shoulder.

‘Ben Solo is our last hope, Finn,’ she said, eyeing him fiercely. ‘I need you to understand that—,‘she paused, giving a sidelong glance towards the pilot and junior controller ‘— _them_ to understand that.’

Nodding, Finn put his hands on his waist. ‘I don’t think I do yet, but I can trust what you’re trying to do.’ Then he looked at her directly, lips thinning, before inquiring in a whisper, ‘Now, tell me, do you love him?’

Rey startled as a line of warmth crossed over her visage. She eyed him confusedly. ‘What is this question even for, Finn?’

Finn crossed his arms, raising a brow. ‘Rose told me that _that’s_ how we win the war – “not by killing what we hate, but by saving what we love.”’

‘Uh – I, er, those are great words.’

His brows rose higher.

‘Indeed.’

Rey began to fidget with her arm bands.

‘Yes, indeed.’

‘ _Rey_.’

‘I fail to see how that matters in the grand scheme of things.’

‘A lot of things are complicated in this life, like the Force, Rey, but _that_ question isn’t.’

Rey glared at him, eyeing the lithe and frail form of the subject of their discussion before looking back at Finn.

‘All his life, he’s been isolated by the people who said they cared for him – _even_ by Leia and Han,’ she said, as the viridescence in her eyes became more intense under the lighting of the ship’s ceiling.

‘They sent him to be a jedi under Luke Skywalker. But one night, when Ben was sleeping, Luke tried to kill him because he thought Snoke had already corrupted him to turn to the dark side.’

Finn’s eyes widened as he gaped at her for a moment, taking in all the information. _Luke Skywalker?_ , he mouthed incredulously to her as she nodded morosely.

‘How did you come to know all of this?’ he asked, his hands resting by his waist.

Rey looked down on the ground and whispered, ‘Ben and I… for some reason, the Force has been connecting us – allowing us to sometimes speak to each other.’

Then she frantically eyed him again. ‘Please don’t tell anyone, Finn. Right now, you’re the only one who knows.’

‘It’s all a bit much to take in, to be honest,’ he replied, and then nodding slowly, he continued, ‘…but for some reason, I _feel_ like I understand why this needs to be kept secret. An inkling of sorts, if you will.’

Breathing a sigh of relief, Rey hugged him. ‘Thank you, Finn.’

Then she strode towards the bunk beside the Wookie and Rose.

 _She didn’t even answer the question_ , Finn thought to himself, crossing his arms. He watched her place her hand beside the arm of Kylo Re— _Ben_ , _as she said_.

Rey brushed her fingers against his cheek when she thought no one was looking, and for a second, Ben’s head turned in her direction, as if he sensed her presence in spite of him sleeping. Finn saw a faint tug to her lips before it fell as his breathing grew laboured.

She whispered his name, and when it didn’t help, she closed her eyes and gently placed her hand on top of his forehead until his breathing smoothened.

 _Ah,_ he finally got it, shaking his head as his lips curled fondly at his friend, _these two have got it bad already_.

She gazed at Chewbacca and asked, ‘Is there a place here you know where I could meditate? I have an idea I’d like to try. I still might be able to help Ben.’

‘You’re wasting your time, Rey,’ Poe said snidely, crossing his arms. ‘We should be discussing how we can use him being here as bait for the First Order.’

Rey turned, bursting tersely, ‘That’s not—!‘

Suddenly, Rose stood up beside Chewbacca, and strode towards the Resistance’s best pilot before slapping him with a loud _THWACK_ in the face, the sound echoing throughout the room as Poe fell unceremoniously from his chair to the floor.

Blinking as he put a hand to his swollen cheek, he calmly asked, ‘What was _that_ for, Rose?’

‘Have you forgotten where the Resistance started from, _Commander_?’ she shot back so loudly that Connix drew back from fear and gripped the edge of the table as they all watched her outburst warily.

‘ _No_ , I haven’t, but that’s not the point here—‘

‘The point, here, Commander, is that we have to _remember_ that ‘rebellions are built on hope’! Have you not thought of why Kylo Ren or Ben or whatever you want to call him was alone? Almost as if he was left here to die! And doesn’t that strike you as **—** ’

‘—logical. It’s a war, and sometimes, it’s hard to determine who’s alive or not in a battlefield,’ Kaydel Ko interjected, crossing her arms and eyeing her intently.

Rose drew a breath of air before replying, ‘He’s the First Order’s _Supreme Leader_ , for Kriff’s sake! You don’t just leave your commander! That is _illogical_.’

Poe stood up, hands on his waist. ‘They have Armitage Hux, Rose. The guy was basically Tarkin to Kylo Ren’s Darth Vader. That still leaves the First Order pretty tight in terms of the chain of command. By having him—,’ he said, his lips pursing to point in the direction of the still unconscious figure on the bunk, ‘—we can do an exposé. Hence, drumming up more support from the other systems to rebuild the Resistance while weakening the First Order in their eyes.’

‘And then what’ll you do after the exposé? Execute him as Connix suggested?’ Finn questioned, eyeing the Commander warily.

‘The Resistance has always done what needs to be done so we can survive and finally burn the Empire or the First Order down,’ Kaydel Ko replied acridly, tone souring at the turn the debate has come to.

 _We always found another way,_ Chewbacca grunted as he stood beside Rey looking upon the slumbering mien of his dear friend’s son, _even when things looked grimmer than the darkest night when there were no moons at Kashyyyk._

Poe sighed, running a hand over his face. ‘Look, okay, I’m just trying to see how Kylo Ren can help us in a way where we won’t be putting too much of us at risk again.’

‘Like you did with the Dreadnaught,’ Rose muttered softly, walking towards Finn and resting her head on his shoulder.

‘That’s not something we need to beat ourselves with over and over again, Rose,’ Connix reminded her, trying to remain calm as Poe eyed the morose features of their friend regretfully.

‘No, but the lessons must remain,’ she answered, ‘or else we’ll keep making mistakes.’

Crossing his arms, Poe nodded, avoiding her eyes in favour of directing their attention towards— _Ren, for now,_ he thought abrasively. ‘I just don’t see why we should still help him. The guy killed Lor San Tekka, ordered the village to burn, and tortured me in the _Supremacy_.’

Shaking his head, Finn pressed a gentle kiss on Rose’s hair before turning to face the sceptical Commander. ‘Look, we have to trust Rey on this one, on whatever she needs to do for Ben.’

‘ _You’re_ calling him Ben now, too?’ Poe asked, dumbfounded.

Finn eyed him pointedly, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. ‘That village in Jakku was ready to blow even before we came there.’ Then he added, ‘I _know_ because we got debriefed before arriving,’ when Kaydel Ko glared at him from the table. ‘That time, when I hesitated to shoot, _he_ knew, and for a second, I thought he would kill me, but he didn’t. He let me go, Poe,’ he explained in a breath. ‘If he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to help you get out. And I think that warrants him some mercy.’

Dameron took a deep breath, and nodded. ‘All right, we’ll help Rey do what she needs to do.’ Then he hesitated, taking a glance at the sleeping figure in the bunk, his eye twitched before finally saying, ‘…with Ren.’

 

* * *

 

‘Here, Chewie, thank you, he’ll be all right here.’

The Wookie nodded, ruffling her hair as she made sure that Ben didn’t fall off her lap and on to the grassy fields near a crystalline brook as she got ready to meditate.

 _I’ll be back in an hour_ , _kid_ , he said in that rumbling way particular to his home world, and it made Rey’s lips curl fondly as she waved at Chewbacca climbing aboard the _Millenium Falcon_ again.

Upon closing her eyes, she remembered to breathe deeply, letting the sweet lull of the rivulet and birdsongs from afar calm her further into the tantalising call of the Force thrumming in every little thing.

_Light. Darkness. Balance._

A soothing feeling washed over her, and she reached out to touch Ben’s cheek, letting her fingers trace the scar she left on his thunderous visage nearly six months ago.

 _Life… Death and decay, that feeds new life_.

Lids still shut, she let the sensations of his skin remind her of _peace and purpose_. Rey felt his lips tremble underneath her touch, but she didn’t break her trance as she focused further on the Force weaving the threads of the universe.

_Warmth. Cold. Peace. Violence._

And she remembered Luke’s voice asking her once, ‘And between it all?’

Her hand hovered above his chest, and she pressed on it gently before recalling the response that left her lips in the sun-graced island of Ahch-To.

_Balance and energy. A force._

And then she heard his deep voice – how it always sounded like a gentle caress in her presence made her wonder _why_ , but it awakened her soothingly from her reverie.

‘ _Rey_.’

‘Ben,’ – oh how the song in her heart thrummed, ‘you’re back.’

He eyed her deeply, and she noticed how his irises bathed in sunlight became driftwood in the midst of a summer spell in the forests and rivers of Takodana.

‘For a while, yes,’ he responded, lips curling at the radiance of her eyes. ‘A little more time before I am called by the Force into oblivion. A little more time before things are finally set to order. A little more time before you finally close my chapter in your life.’

She threaded her fingers in his curls, letting the softness of it try to lessen the shiver she felt in her heart. Biting her lip, Rey caressed his face, and his eyes fluttered close for a bit. ‘Please don’t go where I can’t follow, Ben.’

‘That’s not how the Force works, Rey,’ he reminded her sadly, his eyes softening as she shook her head, and she saw the tears pooling in his lids. He pressed his lips on her wrist, eliciting a sharp breath from her as he sighed deeply.

 _Not again, please,_ her heart begged as she desperately clung onto the rippled waves of stardust in his hair. _Not again_.

His hand reached out to touch her cheek for a moment, and it made Rey want to close her eyes, but she didn't as she resolved to fix her gaze upon the tear tracks on his face – and suddenly, at the tug of the Force, she sensed the spiralling kaleidoscope of feelings his soul had always hoped to let her see that was now in the forefront of her mind. The rush of it felt like the biting kiss of the freshwater of the rivulet nearby, and it came crashing in a wave all at once, but as before, she paid the pulsing of her heart no mind as his memories bled into her being – and how eagerly she welcomed it and held fast to the withering of his breaths.

She saw him in his youth, when all that threaded his lips were the fervid pulses of his family's love – when Leia pressed a kiss to his brow and wished him to ‘ _dance with the stars and clouds in your dreams, darling sweet, soul of my soul_.' When Han carried him in his arms, and his tears stilled, safe and warm by the calming waves of their heartbeats stringing together as his father poured out a secret – that he was also lost in the labyrinthine spirals of life, but that didn't mean that he was afraid to mosey through the _bantha fodders_ of this galaxy if it meant that he could imprint the precious memory of his son's smiles within his being.

Rey held his hand, and Ben's lips curled with ache, his hold on her slowly weakening as his strength wavered. She shook her head, her traitorous heart unable to stop the fall of her tears upon his cheeks.

He shook his head, and let his hand drift slowly to the ground beside him, eyeing her fiercely, as if to say what he could not rush to fall from his lips in the moment, and the Force allowed it all to course through the folds of her mind.

He wanted to tell her that the threads have always been marred with crimson, rich as it was with the war-torn histories and colourful tales of the generations before them. That he does not deny all the wretchedness that he had become in the delusions that Snoke had fed his mind ever since he was a boy. That he had always loved his parents, imperfect as they were in the pursuit of their passion for glory and peace and purpose, and that he had not never forgotten the touch of their happiness before the nightmares and the screams had overwhelmed his soul.

That he had always known how the stars dusted her steps and graced her with the song of the universe in her spirit. That if he could shake the stars into birth yet be lost to the presence of her being, he would choose the abysses that they conquered together when their souls sang as one in the heat of all their skirmishes. That if it had been in this life or the next, his heart would have always recognised the vibrancy of her steps and the glorious sorrow in her eyes.

 _Please don’t_ , she pleaded, but she felt how their hearts were breaking together again. _Please don’t leave me. I don’t want to be alone again._

And then, at last, he spoke.

‘I’ll come back for you, sweetheart,’ he whispered, his voice hoarse and growing faint, ‘...I promise.’

Then his lids fell, sinking into the tantalising song of the universe.

And she began to weep bitterly.

**Author's Note:**

> I vomited this at 5am when my eyes were blessed with jwt/skysilencer's pieta-inspired fanart in Tumblr. I just couldn't help it. The way she drew them just struck me, and my mind wouldn't rest until I poured it all out. So we have this... I don't know. Well. Whatever I tried to put everything I felt from that amazing art into words. This was what came out of it. 
> 
> \---
> 
> A couple of things I cheated on:
> 
> 1\. 'as soft as the massacre of a thousand suns' - was a line inspired from Emily Dickinson's poem titled, well she doesn't really name her poems but it is known as, 'soft as the massacres of suns'. But it really depends on who edited or got her work so yeah. 
> 
> 2\. 'soul of my soul' - comes from a lullaby by Hercules' mother that I read from Edith Hamilton's Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes. The Hamiltons really have a knack for making cohesive narratives. 
> 
> 3\. The overall feeling of this fic was basically thematically influenced by Greek tragedies, so sorry about all the blast from the angst.
> 
> 4\. The personalities of Poe and Connix here are, well, representative of my frustration when dealing with antis. It's not that I hate these characters, but I felt like their in-canon characterisations are very much implied as rather... too hell-bent on insisting on what they believe is or should be right. So yeah.
> 
> 5\. "Please don't go where I can't follow" is from Tolkien's LOTR because I couldn't resist. It's just perfect.
> 
> \--
> 
> Any grammar or misspelling is my fault. I had written this under heavy emotional duress, so I threw much caution into the wind. Sorry about that. I just have a lot of feelings. *sobs in a corner* If you wanna cry with me more, I have another sadder reylo fic, "you crown your sorrows with glory".


End file.
